whadddd?

Giving up

2010-07-21T18:33:00.002+08:00

When i feel like the world means nth anymore,
when i feel like dying,
when i feel like giving up,
when i finally decided to give up and step up the ledge,

Who will be there to talk me around?
Who will reach out their all times helping hands for me?
Who will save me?

Oh i know....
There's always this only saviour in life of mine...

It's me =D.
I shall save myself,
once again.

Ps: it's tiring to save yourself.

This is funny. hahahaha but a little horny... o.o

2010-05-26T11:21:00.001+08:00

Find more reactive videos at coull.com

April 22nd Thursday

2010-04-22T20:15:00.002+08:00

Before i start to write anything i would wanna say that this post is going to be emotional. It's going to be moody and really down. Guess my days haven been good lately. Conflicts here and there.... Complications... totally ruined my mood.

If everyone is to meant what they say...
to cherish and appreciate before everything is too late,
wouldn't this save alot more tears and pain?

Today,
im stressed up.
I have got combined full band rehearsal in the morning which drove me crazy.
All these scales.... totally give me a big headache.
what's worse is all these scores which seems so stranger.
at one glance, u have to side read and play it on the spot.
just right there, i give the these music scoresssss to u now and please... play it now.

am i like superman?
no im not like the others.
they obtained grade 8 in music, diploma in music, major in music composition.
what am i?
im just a guy who played in the band during secondary school.
secondary school hello? thats 5 freaking years back.......!
this totally crack my head.

and now im the life co-ordinator of the band that means more workloads.
but these are still fine... still able to cope.
what totally kill you, is when the people u want to understand you,
dont understand you at all.

This is so draining that i just feel like keeping quiet.
im physically and mentally shaggedddd.
sometimes, i may not say but i really yearned for some care, concern and understanding.
sometimes, i really want someone to assure me that everything is going to be fine.
sometimes, i really need some love.

Today, im caught in a thunderstorm while going back home.
from camp to the bus stop is really quite a distance away tho.
the lightning and storm, it's scary.
But still i'm there walking in it, holding my spoilt umbrella.
im drenched, totally.
Just when i reach my bus stop, i missed my bus.
I felt really miserable tho.
while im in the rain, i have been thinking.
im braving through this storm just to save time as to get home earlier.
Saving time, cherishing every seconds. How many really do?

Right at that moment, days in ninja life flashes back again.
It's thanks to ninja that i've know the importance of time, the importance of getting home, the importance of seeing your family, your love ones.
But, other than my mom, who else can really feel my suffering during my days in ninja?

Alright let's not drag it too far away.
at that point of time,
the main thing that ive been wondering about,
is why she can mentioned that meeting me is everything when she chooses not to meet me but to meet everyone else when she have the time.

Till then,
im felt miserable

Guard Duty?

2010-03-22T19:28:00.003+08:00

yeah damn right.
im doing guard duty right now.
and im blogging right now too.
hahaha.
damn too bored man .
aint got nothing to do.
so i guess i'll use the computer =D.
there's no one here tho.... except with my partner xD.

He's off for a jog...
so i guess that left only me alone now,
to emo.
xDD. hahaha.
well...
when can i get to ORD?!!
haha alright i shouldn't have complain .
hmmm ...
Life's good.
Night snack is waiting for me on the table....
and.....
i get to sleep in an air conditioned room tonight.
how great eh?
haha. stayin here is much better than sleeping in bunk.
Ahhhhh.. i should have brought over my tibits and chips..
XDXDXD but i guess its ok.

Hmmmmm....
somehow,
i feel so empty inside.
its like something is missing..
and then... i received a msg from baobei in the messenger.
ya. i guess i know now.
this empty feeling is due to the fact of not spendin enough time with her the past weekend.

Im shocked to say that i miss her.
shocked indeed.
at least i still do.
that's somehow a good sign right?

Motivation

2010-03-19T08:49:00.002+08:00

Hi im back =D.
hmmm just have an OCS parade yesterday which lasted till quite late. =(.
This have been going on for the whole of the week, including this saturday which is the actual parade.
I've been in the band for quite sometime now.
yeah realised alot of talented people as usual.
well i get to know this humble friend of mine in the saf band,
i know he is good in playing the trumpet but he is never arrogent tho.

Here's a video of him playing the Haydn Trumpet Concerto.
he's quite a cute little boy isn't he xD.

March 11

2010-03-11T20:35:00.003+08:00

Hmm have been long ever since i last blogged.
So here i am back again to speak my mind.
Today's March 11. It's already March.
It's 5 months going to 6 months since the first day i enlisted.
Yes. I would say army life have once changed me.
Especially the torturing Ninja company.
I've seen many people.
How people will react under a huge stress.
A side which people will show when they are being tortured.
They may seem to be so nice at the start. All these, are just before the tough times.
There's no such thing as buddy or friends when people are being place under a harsh and tough condition. Selfish humans. Yes true indeed. World's cruel and man are selfish.

Now in Band. living condition is alot better.
but when people are too free, they tend to gossip alot.
which is something i cant stand.
Gossip here gossip there.
Yes saf band are filled with talented people.
which on the other hand, they think that they're way too smart that they start to judge people inside out.

What a world. But what can i say? what can i do to bring a stop to all these?
It's all outta my control. i guess what i can do now or rather the only thing i can do now is to protect my family and my love ones.
I guess i failed.
Yes i did.
i failed to stop something which cast another phobia to me in my life.
Money. i lost my hope, trust and sense of security to money.
Simple-minded. Never a good thing.
I'm wondering why whenever i tried to stop something bad from happening, it'll still happen.

WHY WONT YOU PEOPLE JUST HEED MY ADVISES?
What's the point of regretting after that?
Not everything in life have got a turnback.
Once you walked the wrong path, you'll just sank in it.
Right now i just hope i can get my degree as soon as possible.

After that i'll and definately join the police force.
as my aim in life is to destroy all these evil hearted crooks.
i dare not say im doing it for the republic of singapore.
But at least i'm doing it to protect my family and love ones.
If one is to know that one's son or husband is a police,
will they still dare to lay their fingers or evil motives on them?

yawned.

2010-01-17T13:40:00.002+08:00

Have been long ever since i last blogged.
I'm kind of busy with my... Work? or NS?
well they both meant the same to me now.
Busy practising my music pieces, theory, aural and marching for exam.
Its weird to say there's exam when im serving NS. haha.
Here's something which will get u guys more surprised.
I've actually got homework too man. haha.
Hmm so basically im all strss up with all these things now.
Hope i get to pass with flying colours... as it comes with a cert too as well.
haha.

It's 2010 now and im trying hard to forget every unhappy moments in 2009.
BUT it's more easy to say than its done.
esp that matter.
fuck that is seriously too much to take.
i guess i'll live with all these phoebias now.
No hope no pain right?
But its hard not to hold any hope especially to things that matters alot.
u cant possibly dont care about it nor let it go.
So u cant help but kept worrying and hoping for a change.

Did i get anyone of u confused here? xD.
I guess im the only one who know what im talking about now.
Sooo.. ye.
Anyway let's just talk about something light here.
I realised something.
in SAF Band. people are not just very good with music.
They are good with other things too.
Like... Ping Pong like example?
My seniors play ping pong just professionals sia.
Seriously professional man.

In the saf band, people have their own respective instrument to play.
Other than that, i realised they actually know other instruments as well.
like piano... trombone or euphonium.
i seldom praise anyone nor really look up to anyone so far.
But ever since i entered SAF band,
i get to see all the talented people in singapore.
all the number ones seems to be all gathered here.

Seriously not joking.
they have got the ranking in singapore.
i can only open my eyes big big, looking at them and "waaa".
Everytime when the upper class people came in and talked to us they will normally say...
You guys are the chosen one among the best of best.
So everything shouldn't pose a problem to you guys.
I often felt good listening and proud to be part of the chosen ones.
but that will get me thinking...
am i really this good?
But whatever it is, i guess i shall just try my best here.

But one thing here not so pleasant is that there's politician here.
Strong competitions, gossips and complications.
Every step made here must be thought carefully or i guess u'll suffer for long.
So i only talk and joke necessary.
Or u'll be outcast, hated or a topic to talk about.
I guess that's life, its the same everywhere.
as humans are seriously fucked up.

World of Music

2009-12-26T22:34:00.004+08:00

Having being posted to my new vocation, SAF band,
my life got better as i've mentioned before.
Although it's a world of music,
but somehow......
i felt stress.
really stress.
super stress.

As its always said and known, its hard to get into SAF Band.
People have to be really good in music and playing their respective instrument in order to get selected.
As you can see among all who joinned NS and is my batch,
the SAF Band only selected 18 people among the whole lot of people who went for audition, with a music background.
AND ONLY 2 trumpeters are being selected which im one of them.
People around me are damn good in music.
people with a grade 8 piano,
NAFA ppl,
diploma in music, etc.

Im wondering how come im being selected.
Am i that good too?
well not now.
BUT soon i'll be.
x)).

Hmm work hard lor x)). i got my whole NS life to buck up and brush up on my music which im always interested in. ^^v.
Well here's some of what you'll be doing in SAF BAND.

My new vocation =D

2009-12-21T20:39:00.003+08:00

Today is my first day which im reporting to my new unit.
well woke up at 5.15am. wow early~~~~ =D.
Nee Soon Camp is my new camp and will be my camp throughout my ns life.
So alright i went there.
saw damn alot of people....
carrying both field pack and duffel bag.
BUT FOR ME~~~
only one civilan bag =D.
with just a pair of shoes and T shirt.

Wondering what's my unit?
how come i get to be so relaxxxxx?
get to book out too today!
in fact everyday~~~~
until..... im required to stay in.

haha well...
im in Singapore Armed Forces BAND =DDDD
in short SAF BAND!
woohoo!
haha! Finally outta NINJA LIFE!
NO MORE ROAD MARCH
NO MORE SAR21!

White house is the place where all the band and MDC people gather.
it's located really deep in nee soon camp.
i spend a whole lot of time walking in.
as im walking in...
i saw people jogging and training.
heard people shouting just like how it sounded in tekong.
dwn! 1! dwn! 2! dwn! 3! .....
and the short buildings around seem just like the other buildings in tekong(except abit buang).
i kept walking...
and walking....
till i saw this palace.
WHITE PALACE!
as good as it sound, the white house.
ITS LK A FUCKING BIG MUSEUM!
Beautiful!

So i entered.
people are nice,
and im being led by one senior.
he told me" hey u know what? welcome to saf band. your ns life from now on is going to be great. its going to be awesome here"
just as im walking up the stairs,
out pop a girl,
she's prett,
and i started thinking.." am i really serving NS?"

alright so yeah i was being led to a room,FULLY AIR-CONDITIONED, whereby all trainee like myself gathered.
=DDD
moments later, our in charge staff sargent came in,
he seems friendly.
but i know he can be fierce when he's crappy.
he brought us for a tour around the white house.
there's a upper lounge whereby we're not able to go in for recreation as we're still trainee..
BUT!!! ... the day will come!
after 2 months after im being posted to my respective band i'll be able to enter! xDD

SOON, its 10am.
so what?
OMG CANTEEN BREAK!
fuck i have nv been to a canteen break during my life in ninja before!
T.T!
HERE! 10am canteen break!
and know what?
12.30pm to 1.30pm LUNCH BREAK!
=DD we get to go off early today lk 12pm?
and its was mentioned that there's tea break at 3.15pm
but we didnt get it today as today's activity is totally packed.

Hmmm the drills here in white house or rather in the band is rather different.
i would say slightly tougher as compared to the normal ones.
just the attendence talking parade can see the difference.
BUT STILL... =DDDD.
ok get to do something serious for today.
a trial theory test.
FUCKING DIFFICULT!
I FLUNK!
LOL! the others too.

really fucking difficult i must say.
totally i dont even know what the questions are askin for sia.
but well... i will buck up! i will work hard! i will play well!
=D.
gonna go get some books!
and maybe a mouthpiece too.

Hmm there's one thing which is v different too
people in NS or rather for wad i know,
hate guard duty.
as u r required to guard all "ulu" place or ferry terminal, etc.

Here in the white house,
the "guard duty" here is actually to particate in parade and events.
lk the istana performance,
whereby u march a v long distance, playing ur instrument down orchard road.
its rather interesting tho.

in fact it sound rather COOL!
lol but dont kena oso better la coz can BOOK OUT!
BOOK OUT!@#!@#!@#
=DD.
I LOVE TO BOOK OUT!
and im booking out everyday!
at 5.30pm =DDD.

although deep inside i know,
this is only the first day,
staff sargent say he will tekan us even if we did a little thing wrong so as to train us.
he look fierce, sound serious.
he mentioned it will be tough and hard so we'll rmb.

BUT deep thinking,
how tough can it be?
IM FROM NINJA!
NINJA NINJA NINJA!
will more xiong than ninja meh?
NO!
=DDD
let's see how your tekan is like.
im in fact quite interested and prepared for it/anything u can come out with.
100 push dwn?
i do before
100 jumpin jacks?
i did before.
i even drank more than 3 litres of water before and then make to do exercise.
wore SPO and run.
people walk, we RUN!

alrite enough of ninja.
im in the white house now,
=D the palace now, like a .. prince?
but somehow, im afraid.
im afraid that i might not play my trumpet well.
im afraid i might not do my theory well.

Hmmmm i will just suck it up, and BUCK UP!
CHIONG AH!
guess now i'll be using more brain juices to study all these musical theory and notes.
i'll own u music theory, practical, drills, everything!

An Empty Heart.

2009-12-12T23:12:00.004+08:00

Who am i?
i no longer know.
what should i be doing in the days to come?
i dont fucking know.
am i able to trust people again?
it's fucking NO.
am i able to love again?
its the same old NO.
am i still be able to differ between right and wrong?
its NO NO NO.
am i still able to differ bettwen the good and bad?
NO!

You totally convinced me that you don't care at all no matter how hard i try to believe in you.
There's no point kept blaming and scolding yourself as that won't result in anything positive. Learn, reflect and change, that's something that one should do instead.

Im totally lost now.
I cant accept this outcome for all the effort and time i've spend.
Human beings, fuck it.

Finally the days are over

2009-12-11T16:27:00.003+08:00

POP LO!
Finally outta hell.
OUTTA NINJA!
fresh air fresh beginning.
just returned from guard duty at ammo dump.
most haunted guard place in tekong.
forested area. booOoOoOoOo . shivers*

but its quite a good experience.
get to see alot of spiders
damn alot!!
Size of the spider is as big as my hand. no joke man.
So we have to actually destroy their web to clear the way.
too bad spiders XD.

Ammo dump area.
dark..... really dark.
the most interesting part is that we get to draw live rounds.
wooo. but too bad we cant anyhow shoot. =(.
if not i'll find a wild boar to shoot. xDD.
But somehow the night ended fast.
Guess maybe i have a friend to tok to during duty which mkes time pass easier.

Hmmm here's the garang part.
after a night of guard duty,
i went for a swim after that.
haha!!
enegetic right. Thank you thank you.
xD.

Right now im very free!!
i have got... a week left of holidays.
So grab me while im still free. xD
Guess im ending it now =D.

Before that i would like to say
i've learnt to cherish my family !
thanks to ninja
thanks for treating me like a dog.
thanks for all the torture which makes me suffer hard
which force me to truely know how to cherish.

I LOVE MY FAMILY =D.
I LOVE MY MOM =D

the end~

A little present for our 8months together x)

2009-10-01T11:34:00.003+08:00

I know some of you may find that the song isn't suitable to be place in this kind of video. BUT..... I dont really care x)

Pictures from KTV

2009-09-27T17:12:00.004+08:00

Here's some pictures from friday's KTV session x))))

2009-09-23T00:10:00.002+08:00

2009-09-13T12:12:00.001+08:00

Boring day.
blog has been wordy.
so i guess i shall upload afew pictures.
=DDD. hmmmm.
Random pictures.

Our neoprint

Script

hmmm

2009-09-08T23:03:00.000+08:00

Have been something since i last blogged. my mind i would say is getting tired as i have make a damn lots of mistakes recently. Let's just talk about today. well. i went to catch a movie named blood ties with joann. so yeah we approach the counter and asked for 2 tixs.

when the tixs sorta came out from the tix machine, i streched out my hands to pull the tixs. when supposely it's the job of the counter staff. so yeah she wanted to pull and i make a move ahead of her so our hands sorta bumped into each other. i dont know why the hell did i stretch my hands to pull the tickets. -____-. im dreaming man.

Another thing would be i spill the cup of ice at the food court on the same day. -____-. im losing concentration of what im doing. i find it hard to focus on things that im doing. oh crap.

Well... tml i have gotta get up early n head to mediacorp again. have got a shooting going on. im getting bored of acting seriously. when i see the caller ID of my hp which read the name of my agent, i sorta got a sianned feeling overcome me. lol. i guess i knw tt i have gt another shooting on again.

acting is not fun tho. it's just like another job where ppl head to everyday, bringing their sian diao feeling along. LMAO.

I would like to ask if 企鹅爸爸 is showing now on tv. i didnt watch tho. so if it's showing now n anyone get to come across it, pls tel me the showing timing n stuffs.

Guess that's all.
good luck and good nite XD

2009-08-21T21:48:00.002+08:00

x)). yawns.
hmmmmm...
mediacorp people's alittle blur on wednesday.
actually that day is got shooting at a pub.
then on that day itself,
when we have already arrived at the destination,
they realised they booked the wrong area.
which is not suitable for shooting.
so that day shooting is being cancelled.

But not bad, at least i got free $$ for that day.
hope everyday is like that. LOL.
got to make a new friend too.
i think it sorta become a make-friend-session.
xDD.
But well didnt get to flirt with the Janet tho (actor in the show)
im wondering is it ling xiang ping or the other girl(dont know what's her name).

xiang ping look chio which her rebonded hair. weeuwee.
haha. hmm dont know when the shooting wil be postoned until.
well... just got myself an enhancement operation for my right eye yesterday (thursday). walau. who say not pain. LOL.
i guess my eye isn't sensitive enough to let the numb eye drops take effect.

i felt and saw the whole thing tho.
the doctor cutting your cornea n everything.
my heartbeat is heavy. can feel it slowing down.
o.o.
people go throught operation once.
i gone through twice... hmm. well but at least vision's better now.
omgf swollen eyes. HOW TO ACT! T.T
have to rest well.....
hope the acting day would be postone till the day whereby i already recover.
so i can make up =D. but... i guess that would be hard.
coz... it takes 2 weeks here to at least can do hair n make up.
=(. maybe i have to give the role to people le.
awww. zz-ed

2009-08-17T00:56:00.006+08:00

3 blog posts at one go.
haha power.
guess today really filled with emotions and stuffs.
Hmmm. alright go for something not so emotional now. haha.
Well.. my blog has been wordy. Guess i should upload afew pictures =]].

But before that, i would like to announce something.
Please support the new show that i will be acting in.
Show title: 想握你的手
Role: 有型男
Role's duty: kena flirt by a woman.

LMAO. funny right.
alright here's some random pictures

im xiao meimei ^^ (tied by supervisor)

my pay cheque finally (so little)

2009-08-17T00:26:00.002+08:00

My supervisor and I had a little misunderstanding just now.
She cried infront of me.
Guess she really cherish the relationship between us.
she thought i doubt her and that she's selfish.
which actually i didn't and wont cause i know her too well.
Guess she really mind how i think of her because we have been on really good terms.
we're more than just supervisor and partner relationship.

well she's like a big sister to me.
always protecting, praising and playing with me.
her words today really touched me.
when she thought that i doubt her,
she's very anxious and also very sad.
she said , in chinese of course...

"Dylan.. u have been working here for quite sometime.
I have been working here for 1year plus i haven been so close with a part timer before. u're like a younger brother to me. i told u everything and anything which i've never told anyone before. working with you i am really very happy as u really brighten up my life. i really cherish the relationship between us. u cant doubt me like this. i can be selfish to everyone else but not to u. u should know me. i really cherish our relationship. Even if u're not wrking here we will stil keep in touch. u're a v good and kind boy. u're a fren tt i really cherish and wont regret making..."

i didnt doubt her at all tho.
it's not like i mind that commission at all for just $5.
the company policy is that for each individual who do $500 a day get extra $5.
she did $517
i did $485
she thought that i blame her for not trying to help me get that extra $15 when i tried to her help many other times before. she offered that the $5 that she get for achieving $500, we spilt half.
i told her " u ok with it?"
what i meant is that i feel paiseh for spilting the $5 commission with her.
but she thought that i blamed her for like being selfish and stuff.
so that's the misunderstanding.

But it's this misunderstanding which make me realised more that she's really a good friend and partner. really hard to find one who really cherish nowadays.
felt sry for this little misunderstanding which made her cry.

2009-08-17T00:02:00.000+08:00

just came back not long.
hmm saw 2 letters on my table.
one is the credit card bill.
one is my pay cheque.
my bill...
400+. sianned.
i spend on eat eat eat eat eat !
-__-.

my pay cheque.
from mediacorp.
so happy and sian diao in a sense.
the pay cheque only pay for my 2nd working day which is 24 july.
the 22 july pay dont know fly till where.
i guess it's the switching of blue to yellow paper agreement that causes confusion.

haiyo... guess tml have to contact my agent liao.
mafan mafan mafan!!
why that guy dont just do it properly.
tell me earlier that blue paper for above 21 ma.
then dont need to switch here and there.
in the end i guess should be you either write wrong address or what.
my pay dont know deliver to which household.

jia wei ah jia wei~~~~
how can you like that..... LOL.
u are going to get a scolding from my agent or mediacorp liao.
sry in advance. =l

2009-08-11T00:08:00.003+08:00

what am i still asking for?
I no longer know.
Seriously.
I'm planning a family outing next month.
planning to go chalet.
hmm everything is almost properly done.
chalet has been booked, activities planned as well.
7 7 8 8 liao i guess.

Although the world and life may be complicated,
but sometimes things can be really simple as well.
i dont know why...
when i saw my mom planning what to buy for BBQ,
suddenly i felt really happy inside.
I guses im happy because i know she is very happy and excited about it.
i know my mom suffered alot all the way from the past.
So i really wanna do things which can make her happy.

a family outing.
something which seem so simple,
we didnt really have it.
Guess it's always dad who is missing out.
and sooner or later when i didnt even noticed, im missing out.

The reason im organising this and am really firm about it is because,
i wanna make my mom happy, really happy this time.
when she's happy, i am.
reason being she's really a great mom.
really great.

2009-08-08T01:03:00.003+08:00

no matter how close,
we all distant one day.
no matter how well treated by you in the past,
it all belongs to the past, everything,
from that day i confronted you and you said it's a misunderstanding,
i know it's not and it's all the way up till today that make it so vividly clear that i should let it go.
Reality really slap you right at the face.
Stop whining for the past and accept the harsh present.
Move on.

Im starting to ask myself,
why am i so serious?
why did i hold on to it so dearly?
why did i speak up for this relationship when it's being stepped on?
why say that it's different?

I've regretted cherishing our so closely bonded relationship which seemed so true.
I've regretted opening up myself once again for you, trouncer.
I've got nothing but whole lot of disappointment in the end.
i am disappointed in our relationship,
disappointed in you,
disappointed in myself for trusting and treating you for real.

Let me tell you and myself once again
We are no longer the same.
and Damn...
It's no misunderstanding.
Alright?

Guess I won't be the same anymore.
hahaha! =D

2009-07-26T21:48:00.002+08:00

Went for the second shoot on friday.
hmm this time there's a change in director.
a better one i would say...
as she's not as pek chek as the previous one.
haha.

well.. the who... im not sure of his name.
acting as Waymen in the show, is still having alot of NGs as usual.
OPPS!!!!
got one time he NG with a mispronounsation of qi shi to chee-se (sound like cheese)
i cant hold my laughter i laughed abit.
some looked at me tho and i just acted as if im coughing.

=X.
that was close..
haha.
it all ended quite early..
only around 3hours...
So after shooting i went to have lunch with valerie and wilfred.
they are two of the actors in the show.

It was funny tho for that day.
wilfred thought im am a pei jiao in the show.
he thought i am a celebrity.
as he said that people seemed to know me.
the people working at the wardorbe,
the celebrities as well.
lol what a misunderstanding.
im just a small fry.
aww.
x)) but better than nothing ba. haha.

it's a sad thing tho as supposely i have got another show to act in.
if im not wrong the show is 当我们同在一起
but the schedule timing clashes with 企鹅爸爸
so... i guess i have to give it a miss.
Aww what a waste.
hope chances wont slipped by again.
mmhmm x))

2nd agreement with mediacorp

was getting bored and so i took a pic in the make-up room x))

2009-07-22T23:55:00.002+08:00

Today is my first day at mediacorp.
acting in the chinese drama show 企鹅爸爸.
small fry ^^. but still there's portions of me.
catch me if u want.
Damn..
I must say acting is tough.
really man.

Not only must you remember your script,
u still must be able to act it out
this is just the very very very minimum basics.
it's till invovling in the act that i realised there's alot more.

Damn man the lightings are all over you,
above u, behind u, etc.
the wires n stuffs... no joke.
it may seem like it's spacious in the show.
but damn... it's really cramped when u're acting.
u may just bump onto the lightings or trip on wires.

U must also take note of your posture, angle and location.
u can be shooting for quite sometime n suddenly director wanted to go back to which scene.
n you must go back to that scene just exactly where you are standing, posing and angle direction.
like even a finger wrong also will kena scold one. lmao.

really very easy for a NG.
Plus the fact the place where we're acting is a office building.
Ppl are working there while we're there acting.
lol is like what a disturbance...
to it us or them.
they watched quietly, cant concentrate in their work. lol.

one thing i must add is the despite all these,
most important is the director.
but for what i see.
most directors are cranky and short tempered. lol.
get pek chek easily. but can joke too if things are well.
i got teased by director.
he nicknamed me 斑马哥.
keep 斑马哥 here and there.
the reason why he called me that is because there's a celebrity acting as 小马 in the show.
so he think it would be best to give me a 马 nickname.
Im wearing stripe top.. soo.... ya i got this 斑马哥 nickname。

Today's director is alittle short tempered.
he will scold you for every little thing.
even celebrity.
other than the bigger shots like ann kwok n the other guy... forgotten his name.
lol.
heng i never really kena his scolding.

i just blurred out in one rehearsal.
looking at ann kwok while im suppose to give expression and walk away.
so director teased that i am admiring ann kwok that im draming.

Today, interesting, tiring, boring too .
lol. ACTING IS TOUGH!

2009-07-16T15:14:00.004+08:00

Forgive and Forget.
that's so not true.
one can forgive.
but how can one forget.
unless there's a brainwash.

For every forgiveness given i asked myself.
what's the point and why.
i know why.
But this time round,
i dont know why i did?

Is it because i know that she will become a better person?
No i dont know.

Is it because i know she's still as pure and innocent as before?
No i dont know.

I guessed the main reason is because i still love her.
How shallow is this reason,
i asked myself.

How many more nonsenses that she's coming out?
i asked myself.

How long more can i hold?
i asked myself.
When she's not sensible enough to think and understand.

WHEN THE HELL WILL SHE UNDERSTAND HOW MUCH EFFORT I'VE PUT IN AND PUT UP FOR THIS R/S EH?
I guess im not only her bf, but her father as well.

It's scientific proven that getting pissed(a hot reactor personality), will shorten your life span, causing harmful effects to your body system and disrupt heart functions.

Are you trying your best to kill me eh?
so please, do what im pleased to see.

2009-07-14T13:41:00.002+08:00

slept at nearly 5am yesterday.
-.-.
floaty head for today.
planned to visit the dentist.
dont know when am im moving.
plan to do some exercise.
maybe later.

im tired.
and i guess my health is slipping abit.
i should really do more exercises liao.
and have more tonic.
lmao.
Should i go back to slp instead?

yawns!
Hope people i care can be more sensible and understanding.
it's then that i can feel more brighten up.
x)))

2009-07-12T13:06:00.003+08:00

lol. a friend of mine just gave birth to a baby.
she's 19years old this year.
she's so happy about it.
a baby with no father.
just picked any guys from the street to be a dad.

Be more responsible please.
i doubt this kid is going to be a well-bred kid.
with a mom like that.
it's funny.
don't think it's easy to raise a kid girl.
u know shit about it and u know shit about life.

i seriously, despise empty brain kid like you.
as i always said.
IF YOU DONT KNOW HOW TO TEACH YOUR KIDS,
DONT HAVE ANY!

I pity that newborn baby.
really pity him.
people this irresponsible,
should so die early.
reduce pollution of mankind.

Even for adults.
dont just think that you're an adult and u can speak like u're 100% right.
it's reasonable and logical reasons that determines right and wrong.
not your fucked up age.
grow some brains if one isn't functioning properly for you.

Disgusted.
Totally disgusted.
Brainless Humans.
_|_

2009-07-07T05:39:00.002+08:00

I dont know what's so special today that i actually woke up at 5am.
i cant get back to sleep no matter what.
so i guess i might as well just get my ass up now and blog.
lmao-ed.

Smell of the early morning, it has been long.
long long long..... since i last smelled this.
haha. how .... pure. love it.

Mood's better now.
just by smelling this scent of early morning.
hair's getting longer now which is making me feel uncomfortable.
Maybe i should get it cut one of these days.

im thinking what should i do now.
planning to go for a jog tho.
but kind of lazy. haha.

Even thought of going to over her house to give a surprise
and drive her to school.
but nah... guess maybe not.

guess i shall just stick my ass here till it's time for me to head for work.
haaaha.
Should i just prank call somebody? some strangers? =DD

Alright im mad. -_- .
maybe later i'll get tired and head back to sleep.
who knows?

2009-07-05T23:31:00.002+08:00

yes please.
talk back.
yes. there's no point talkin nor explaining.
i got it.

why did i even feel hurt?
i thought i've already been totally numbed.
guess when things are just picking up,
something has to be done to bring me down.

just when im there eagerly waiting,
you're there sleeping.
Just when i started questioning,
i just get a.." ok fine den.. No point explaining oso.. im tired n i need to rest. "

Guessed u had a hard day.
SO AM I OK!
just when im starting to feel u back,
just when i needed u most,
you're not there but it's just...
everything of you that is coming back to destroy everything, again.

Im a joke.
it's so funny that i cant stop laughing at myself again and again.
it's so funny that i think im laughing, to "death".

2009-07-05T02:05:00.001+08:00

World's a lie.
untrustable piece of crap.
what am i suppose to do?
ahh just fuck it

2009-07-03T23:52:00.002+08:00

alright.
bag being stolen.
my boss had a little meeting with me.
didnt scold me. in fact still say she know im a good boy.
Said that she still trust and like me very much.
She asked why did my performance slipped recently.

Sadly, i dont know.
she asked is it that i quarreled with my gf.
nah i didnt.
she said mable told her im acting very moody at work.
she even said i dont wish to talk to her.

LoL. cmon. u have something wrong inside.
i dont even know what can i talk with you man.
Even the boss knows that.
She told me...

" I know mable have gt something wrong.
something wrong with her brain or something.
that she is acting and speaking weird. "

this is funny tho.
but still...
fuck. i need to pay for the loss.
bag stolen.. its $128.

Boss told me that the most she can help is by giving a 40% discount.
and spilt the cost by half.
that will be around 30+ to pay.
STILL... im not happy about the pay deduction.

But i guess it's like that.
bag is stolen when im there..
or is it not?
whatever it is... i still need to pay.

crappy mable. STOP TALKING NONSENSE.
i understand that u have a bad condition up your brain.
But man it's actually costing harm to supervisor and myself as well.
So... will you please stop speaking without thinking?

I guess u wouldn't listen as i understand your F**ked up condition.
-_-. im working with a weirdy.
One more thing i would like to add on is that....
I DONT REALLY LIKE THE GUY BOSS =DD.

But nvm.. as long as the female boss and supervisor still dote me,
that's enough. im staying.
I really like my supervisor tho.
She is even better than my blood related sister man.
^^v.

2009-06-29T02:05:00.002+08:00

today im feeling down.
really down.
Customer lodge a complain on me.
Maybe it's my fault for selling a faulty item to her.
but this make me realise something.

No matter how well u do,
a small little mistake can ruin all your reputation.
can ruin trust, faith.
i dont trust u lady boss.
u are disappointed in me.
So am i. im disappointed in u too.

why am i working so hard for your rundown company?
why am i trying to push sales for you?
why am i keeping everything in order for you?
when a little thing u can mention about disappointment in me.

Stop finding faults.
No one perfect.
no matter how u wanna think.

It doesn't change the fact.
fact being im the best so far.
the best "part-timer" of AMCO in history

If u are not happy,
you can Sack me.
Try sacking me...
and see how many will leave you,
how many will still respect and work for you.

2009-06-26T12:27:00.002+08:00

oh crap.
so bored that im posting 2 posts on a single day.
=D. haha.
hmm. Seriously i seem to be getting bored of girls.
errr that doesn't mean im gay or what. -.-.

just... they don't seem interestin to me. lol.
i prefer to have more guy friends than girl friends.
i cherish guys more than girls . x).
but most guys seem to pay more attention to girls.
girls girls girls. not boring ah u ppl?

Im glad i have friends who feel just the same way as me, somehow.
cherish guys more than girls.
need more of such people to chill out with me.

Right now, i just wanna enjoy life and..
at the same time tryin my best to figure and plan for my future.
hope everything go on smooth for me and my love ones.

Inside me, there's only this one special girl who managed to capture my heart.
as long as she stay how she's like (but with lesser nonsense please), i guess i'll still find life meaningful. x).

i love u.

2009-06-26T12:17:00.002+08:00

yawn.
it's a friday.
im resting at home, again.
this world is seriously realistic.
actually im working yesterday.
but last minute im being told to off.
just because sales is 0 for the whole day n im workin on that day.
no customer what. how u expect me to do sales?

i guess maybe it's just my luck. zzzz.
im working halfday on tuesday n sales is still 0 before i left.
but when my supervisor came in at 6pm, sales start to come in.
she told me there's 3 customers inside the shop n the other part-timer is
sitting there, not moving (as she need the loo badly).

Cmon girl. dont tell me u need me to babysit u and ask u to go toilet before i leave?
i left at 5pm and my supervisor came in at 6pm. it's only an hour difference.
bloody idiot. -_-. but nvm i guess it's just my luck.

so yeah this is why boss asked my supervisor to replace me on thursday.
as i did a worse sales ever on the list. 0 sales for whole day.
n 0 again for the next day just before i left.
why like that sia?! NVM!!!!

When i did grand total sales of $1000 what did u say?
" oh yeah dylan... keep it up! u r good. "
now tampines one open bad times den blame me for bad sales liao ah?
nvm i guess it's JUST my luck !!!!!!!

Realistic world LOL.
_|_ it.

2009-06-22T23:47:00.002+08:00

Sianned. tell me what's in life that will make one happy.
-___-. i really have enough of all these "dampen mood" incidents happening again and again. Dad's company is folding up soon. the money which will be loss will be scary. machines, stocks, office, workers' pay... oh man. soon the car will be sold off too. On the other side, i heard from my mom that she is going to face retrechment soon.

Her boss is trying his best to shoo my mom off her seat, which tmeans he is trying to make her resign, so that he wont have to pay her a retrenchment fee. oh bastard. x) _|_. now my family is going to have no income.

If my dad is going to sell his car, he would have this little capital left to start a small cookery business. But what i know is that his health dont allow him to do so. haiz both my parent's health is not really doing well.. really hinder stuffs.
Hope there's a suitable plan B.

For me, maybe im starting to cook my meals intead of buying. Ever since i started working and stuff, i realised i calcuate every single cent and only buy stuffs that is worthwhile. i can quarrel with 2 auntie for charging me 20 cents more for my bee hoon mee. Now, i dont play maximum tune anymore. i can even hestiate for long whether to spend money buyin sweets to eat during working hours.. which i arrive at dropping the idea. lol. i rather not spending that 80cents for my halts which used to be only 55cents. lol.

YES people. I've changed.
im now a calculative auntie frostie.
x). but that's how u shld be if u wanna save money.

Guess the only people i wont be calculative with is my family and my silly gf.
Other than them, i find others hard to trust because...
U PEOPLE FUCKING DISAPPOINT ME AND MISPLACE MY TRUST !

x)

2009-06-18T11:02:00.001+08:00

i so like this song and it's title xD

Boys Over Flower - Because Im Stupid

2009-06-15T10:46:00.002+08:00

this and that,
that and this,
That damn many problems faced throughout these years
So many that....

I no longer know who i am =DDD
LOL !!!

Am i one who always clear things away fast by looking at the brighter side?

Or

Am i one who have been swallowing too much that im totally numb of it and not feeling anything anymore?

yeah people im 20.
only 20.
that's just my age ^^

I just wanna be...

HIGH ! WOOOHOO !!!

2009-06-05T09:51:00.002+08:00

yawned. i just woke up.
going off for work real soon.
feeling kind of lazy.
sianned.
a sudden strong feeling overcome me.
i guess im swaying.

i guess..
i should just not take things too hard.
im too tensed up recently.
i must learn how to relax and loosen up myself alittle.

Somehow, Somewhat,
i find girl's more steady than most guys friends around me.

Somehow, Somewhat,
im really sick and tired of this guy friend around me.

Can you not be so gay?
LOL!

2009-05-31T00:08:00.003+08:00

what a day.
im super tired. damned tired.
big re-arrangement of the shop layout.
shifting this, shifting that.
carrying heavy loads, wiping heavy dusty shelfs.

2 big bosses came down today.
im being told about the arrangement of the shop
so im the one telling the uncles which shelf is to be removed,
which shelf is to be shifted and placing location.

Boss told me this instead of my supervisor yesturday.
and my supervisor is so happy laughing away saying " dylan ah... i don't know ah... u tell uncle tan n the others what to do tml ah. i dont know anything huh. "

Just being told by boss that she is going switch to my supervisor to HR to do office work instead... soon...
added on by telling me to look after the shop and the workers.
Shit man what this suppose to mean?
im the solo "supervisor" now?
i hope my supervisor remain.

i can sense bigger responsibilities and bigger authority.
in fact the whole of it now.
is being the best a good thing?
work load most likely should be roughly the same
just that im kind of enjoying the full authority now.

i just joinned in april. now's only may. and im this position.
kind of contented in a sense.
haizzzz everyone is looking upon me.
i feel stress. they are treating me like im a genius, trusting me everything.
work stress, hoping that my girl will be sensible and good.
but man she's giving me down time lately as well.
haizz.
how am i suppose to pull through and withstand these?
Nvm.. i will just keep swallowing everything in and see how long can i last.

2009-05-28T22:42:00.005+08:00

Giving Care and Concern is a drain.
Giving and not being appreciated is a pain.
I really have had enough of these.
I am not judging based on one incident.

Why should i care?
Why should i bother?
When PEOPLE don't give a damn.
when PEOPLE rather said it's better without your care.

I've never bothered nor concern for anything before.
Why should i start now?
I should just continue being who i really is.

NOT GIVING A SHIT.
It's now, that i'm taking everything back.
It's now, that i'm washing my hands off everything.

Maybe the truth is just i dont even matter to anyone at all. LOL.
what a big big disappointment... again =D
i dont wish to feel anymore.

2009-05-27T01:52:00.002+08:00

People say only the one you truely care can hurt you most and kill you as well.
and it's only that person who got the ability to change you totally.
finally someone managed to get in,
but what turn out is something that totally drain you off.

For so much hurt that are being inflicted on you,
you swallowed.
hoping one day that one truely understand.
Disappointment turns out upon hope.

i cant bring myself to walk away totally without care,
you did.
i cant bring myself to say that i wanna leave,
you did.

the moment u did,
you killed me.

2009-05-24T23:58:00.002+08:00

just came back from work.
Big boss came over today.
oh man. she said something that i dont know whether i should be happy or what.
she said im doing well in the shop.
she also mentioned that my level now is same as my supervisor.
oh man? then what? im supervisor now? two supervisors in the shop?

she said she trust me so much that she can just give me the keys for the shop.
so next time i can just open the shop myself without having people to come open the gates. why do i even need the keys? i dont wan such big responsibilities.

she also told me to look after the shop and look after the other part timers.
make sure they dont play around in the shop and scold them if they are naughty.

im like the newest here? if i get such a authority and being the newest part timer in the shop, what will people think.

so what am i now? part timer or supervisor.

Big boss held a discussion with another co-boss, and asked me to joined in the discussion regarding the shop major change of outlook. WHY... the hell am i involved in the discussion man? im a part timer?! -_-.

Alright... i guess im no longer a part timer. or a part timer who is the same level as a supervisor. oh whatever lah. give me authority i just take lor. bu na bai bu na.

yawned

2009-05-24T00:35:00.002+08:00

zzz.
days at work is really boring.
and stress ... as sales are counted individual. no sales = boss will start to talk.
Assed ! I'm just a part-timer remember? dont treat me like im a assistant shop manager. i know boss n supervisor trust and like me very much tho. but dont everything also count on me la cmon -_-. Computer spoil also appoint me to fix. if supervisor not here im being appointed to look after all the other part timers. HELLO? IM THE NEWEST PART TIMER TO JOIN LEH! shouldn't it be them looking after me? I dont get higher pay. just a little extra privileges to buy alittle extra for staff and ... my words does matters to the boss's and supervisor's ear? but man that's not worth for all these at all.

I got a feeling if another part timer is coming in. i will be appointed to assist in teaching. -________________-. Now im starting to think is being too trustworthy a good thing? you earn the trust of everybody.. and your load and responsibilities are heavier.

and... seriously...
SOME CUSTOMERS REALLY DIGUST ME.. ALOT

Tomorrow gonna work again.
Boss's dropping by again.
Wonder what is she going to say

-________________-.
IM A PART TIMER LAH
dont everything also ask dylan ask dylan ask dylan

can? -.-

2009-05-15T23:59:00.002+08:00

Just got back from work.
tiring.
im tired because i spend the whole day daydreaming.
my mind's tired.
yawned.
i stone for the whole day.
practically wasted my day.
xDD.

Hmm.. hope everyone is doing fine.
esp my gf and me =DD

2009-05-11T23:39:00.000+08:00

i thought i moved on before you.
but seem like i'm the one lagging behind.
xD.
am i?

no matter how close,
we all distant one day.

I am glad u moved on anyway.
although the you now don't seem like the one i know.
but it's alright x).

This applies for anyone else.
No matter how close you are to me, whoever you are,
one day if u decided to leave somehow,
just tell me and i'll let u go.

No worries as i have already expected it.
there's no forever buddy.
there's no forever friends.

World's a crap itself isnt it?
No wonder it's gonna end.

2009-05-11T12:43:00.000+08:00

I don't find life in anything
why is that so?
everything seems so boring......

Boring...
Boring...
Boring...

Yawns.

Maybe the only one i wanna be with is my baobei.

Oh man. im going for a checkup at the eye later.
Hope my doctor give me a good clarification and solutions of what can be done.

shit i think im going for another surgery.

-______________________-

2009-05-05T11:30:00.000+08:00

Work hard towards my goal.

WORK HARD
WORK HARD
WORK HARD
WORK HARD

TRAIN HARD
TRAIN HARD
TRAIN HARD
TRAIN HARD

2009-05-05T10:03:00.000+08:00

No, we're not close anymore.
No, please stop fooling yourself.
No, it's not misunderstanding.

Yes, there's no forever close friends.
Yes, there's no forever brothers.

Sooner or later,
we all distant one day.
Seems so true =DD.

Hope this won't happen between my family and my future wife.

2009-04-26T23:42:00.000+08:00

today, work.
tomorrow, work.
the day after tomorrow,

surgery!
hope it's a sucessful one.

god bless. x)

2009-04-24T00:54:00.001+08:00

PAIN PAIN PAIN PAIN PAIN PAIN PAIN !!!!!!!

MY GASTRIC IS REALLY VERY THAT... EXTREMELY PAIN !!!

PAIN LAH !!!!

2009-04-20T23:08:00.001+08:00

I dont expect anyone to be there for me when i am down.
But please,
DONT CREATE MORE NONSENSE FOR ME ALRIGHT?!
i seriously had enough of all these.
How many times u want me knocked down?
I have been down for years and is trying my very best to stand up and pull myself together.

IF YOU, are not going to help me, please don't contribute more stuff to kick me down. can? please?

IM TRYING MY BEST TO BE HAPPY YOU KNOW PEOPLE?

Its so fucking damn hard coz of u people to give me shit and ppl around me dying.

STOP DYING LA!

STOP GIVING ME NONSENSE LA!

god damit. Life's a crap

someone once told me she's a perfect gf.
she said i'll soon see for the future to come
and yes, im looking at how perfect you are now.

you killed me perfectly x).

why should i lead life with principles?
caring, loving, doting, hurting... when people don't understand, don't cherish, don't appreciate.

people who don't understand, will not feel a thing at all.
people who don't cherish, will just take my effort for granted.
people who don't appreciate, will just kill me soon.

real soon x).

Im referring to you all so called close people. "brothers" "god relationship" "love one"

what will be left when you kept burning a frosted heart?

It's fire.

You managed to save us both.

2009-04-18T00:17:00.000+08:00

Actually really planned to give up everything on that day... planning to go clubbing and drinking at night and just wont give a damn about life anymore that day. But somehow she managed to save our relationship and our love back.

she came by my house but didnt managed to find me... so she came by my workplace that day.
You really make the right choice by coming ... if not that day will be the end of our loving story.
End of my trust for you and this world.

we had a long talk that day.. i actually leave my workplace just to talk with her. lucky the camera is down. hahaha.

But she skipped work and rushed down for me and of coz our relationship.. seems like both of us still care very much for this relationship.

Yes, obstacles make us grow, make us bond too.
Hope after this the both of us learn to cherish and appreciate each other better.

2009-04-14T10:35:00.001+08:00

For so much love i gave,
so much care i gave,

plan surprises for u which i nv did for anyone,

plan to make a cake for u which i thought its dumb,
got help from godmom to teach me how to make the cake,

plan to place that present i got for you on the car seat while u open it,

plan to place that ring we made right on top on that present,

plan to put it on for you,

plan to let u put it on for me,

plan to let u wear thoses dress i got for you where i get nothing for myself,

plan to even marry you where i hav nv even thought of it for anyone before,

our couple wedding ring, the day we got it made.
seemed so sweet.

But why must you disappoint me again and again?

have u changed?

what went wrong?

why must you do this?

u once told me u dont wanna get hurt again.

once told me u truely love me.

seemed so true.

yes, i've swallowed enough.

and its today,

that im officially dead.
x))

LOL FUCK THIS WORLD !

No more...

2009-04-14T00:19:00.001+08:00

yes im moody.
yes im can no longer fake a smile.
yes im depressed.
yes im totally disappointed.

But no im not going to complain.
im trying my best to hide.
im trying my best to swallow down everything till i no longer can take it,

and die.

till then, please..
No regrets
x)).

Frost __iced

why did you let me down?

2009-04-13T23:58:00.000+08:00

why?
do you even care?
is everything really one sided?
Am i not the first you wanna be with?
I dun even feel like saying out anything.
but you just cant seem to understand how i feel.

I just felt like im dead.

again.

am i going to be just who i am as before?
FROST?
piece of ice with no feelings.

today---> so hurt till i can no longer feel.
depression state really going to let out the devil within myself.

Everyone at least showed a little concern.
but the one i need isnt there... not for once.

why did you let me down?

fuck the what?

2009-04-13T23:24:00.001+08:00

today is my worse day. zzzz im feelin totally depressed. -_-. early in the morning got a great disappointment, face some really fucked up customers, cameby some exchange goods which gave me a headache. at night closing my partner mess up the whole closing process which drag me down to fix the problem for her. -_-. I ALREADY SAID LET ME DO IT RIGHT !?! -___-. zzzzzz.

My mood went so down today that i think i raise my voice on my supervisor on phone. zzzzzz.

NOTHING FUCKING WENT SMOOTH !

why?!

even the person i pin my only hope on, let me down.
down down down..............
totally disappointed.

xin hui yi leng.

HAIZ..............

Where am i heading?

2009-04-12T23:32:00.001+08:00

So busy working that i no longer know myself. today is 12th of april. every 12th of the month my company staff get to buy maximum 3 different items of different types in the store. staff price range from 30% to 40%. Entitled 3 items. i bought 2. its till after that i realised i bought all 2 which isnt for myself. 2 woman top. my boss asked who am i buying for. i said for my girlfriend.

My boss said i must be doting on her very much as im wasting 2 rights of mine as a staff to buy sometin which isnt for myself at all. its only then i realised... i did. i actually bought somethin for her instead of for myself. -_-. I seldom or rather never put anyone before myself.

Hope she worth me doing this.

Have been feeling down. Guess i kept too much things inside. wanted to find ways to say out or vent it out. but just cant. But who will understand me? No one like a unhappy guy isnt it.

But im just faking that smile outta my face. -____-. is that the guy u want?

Depression

2009-04-12T10:05:00.000+08:00

I think i am having depression liao. Gonna gain better control of myself. Hope no more nonsense would cameby and affect me... again and again...

Please lah -_-.

I am tired of everything...

Need a break =]

-_____________-

2009-04-08T00:00:00.000+08:00

Received a call from my model agency ytd. i was told that selected models get to be sorta "cultivated" by a big client. i was told to be one of the shortlisted models. get to enjoy facial at price of $35 where package is $85. Others was sponsored by the client. on top of that still get $20 allowance.

i was thinking... u wanna cultivate us. why not just sponsor 100%. =DD. zzzzz. modelling line makes me really sianned. everything's realistic and practical. x.x . who wan facial ... tell me. price at only $35. just say u are frost from i models . LMAO. zzzzz.

This world really make me really tired. the humans..... really disgust me. x.x ranging from young to old. i hate this realisitc, complicated world. how nice if everyone is just nothing but true to you, wholehearted.

No matter how close... they all distant when time goes by. Have been giving myself more than enough chance to bluff myself that it's not true. but facts are still facts. so vividly. Yeah that smile on my face... seem so real. -ed.

I dare not hope. Dare not dream. just do my best in life.

How i hope people dont change. Can one remain the same? I dun wish for forever but at least for one lifetime?

fuck humans

2009-04-04T00:50:00.001+08:00

Sometimes even close friends dont worth your trust. So why should i even fucking believe a stranger anyway? fucked. today a auntie cameby my workplace today.. and wanted to save 2 pieces of dress.. my supervisor said that's not allowed. But that lady really wanna buy that dress just that she dont have enough cash. she said if we can save that 2 pieces of dress for her she will come back and buy both of them by tonight.

She said her daughter sure will love that 2 pieces of dress very much. My supervisor still insisted that it is not allowed. then... i told that lady i will save it for her but she MUST come back by tonight to buy them. she said ok she really will come back. i told her cannot trick me or i will kena scolding from boss. she said she really definately will come back by 7pm. i have been repeating... " DONT BLUFF ME LEH..... CANNOT BLUFF ME LEH...." but she is still v firm with her reply.. that she definately will come back to claim the 2 dresses.

but by 8pm today i still never get to see this fuckin auntie. until 10pm close shop also never see her. nb ! i go against my supervisor and help u save this 2 dress. u like that ah? make me believe u thought u so wanted to buy this 2 dresses for your daughter so much.

This totally remind me of all the past fuckin incidents that happened before. Even close friends might not worth trusting. why should you fucking believe and help a stranger and get smack on the face in return.

Fuck humans. none can be trusted.

I HATE HUMANS !

tired..

2009-04-02T23:50:00.001+08:00

i am really really very tired and disgusted with all the nonsenses and complications created by humans.

World's full of crap = world's a crap.

-.-

fucked

World of corruptions

2009-03-28T11:26:00.000+08:00

i am totally tired of looking at all nonsenses which are taking place around me now. young mom... xiao bengs... xiao lians... complications .... upper n lower class conflicts corruptions. despo guys... pervert guys... n brainless bitches. =DD LOL.

stacey's pregnant. wow. =DD. but is still taking v sexy seducing photos, asking me which one is the best. wad nehneh gt milk now bigger liao so take pic nicer. she's one year younger dan me... poor baby in her womb... without a dad. =D.

and for kiat... handin case for divorce now... startin stil say love the girl so much... another broke up family... which the baby is the most innocent victim. XD.

hundreds n thousands of corrupted complications... which never end.

relationships.... no matter how close... will still distant one day. true?
many may disagree... but it's just happening, vividly. so true...

TIRED LAH !!!

^^v

yawned zzzz

2009-03-27T00:21:00.000+08:00

my life going to be a routine soon. machiam robot. but its ok. lets tok abt someting different. i guess i also seldom got the time to blog liao. xD. yesterday met up with baobei. she came over to my hse... b4 that day she came by my hse in the morning to pass my ai xin breakfast totally cook n made by her. how sweet. love you baobei.

nowadays my life = wrk + ton . like robot... dun need to slp liao. cheap labour somemre. diao $5 per hour. siannned. how to TONG sia. no money = no hse no car no JEANS (as baobei's mom dun lk ppl wear shorts diao-ed), no money to get married... no money to support family... support wife...

SO I NEEDA WRK HARD. im so... BULL

My Friday

2009-03-21T23:40:00.000+08:00

Went for training at am.co. 1pm to 10.30pm. tiring. at night around 9 plus boss came in to test me. if fail the test can say sayorana liao. but i managed to pass her test... and damn her test is not easy at all. this is the 1st job that i applied for that has group interview. 5 ppl interview at once and only one being selected. the one selected muz go for training and take her test. if fail any... den can say byebye.

well.. i managed to be the survivor among the 5 interviewee... and... managed to pass the test. hurray? for a job that only give $5 per hour. ftw. job nowadays really hard to find. ass-ed. zzzzz.
i guess i'll stay at am.co for the time being.

My supervisor n boss praise me alot... especially supervisor. =DD. she say im v cheerful and smart ! tts a nice thing to hear. hope i get to click with her well in time to come. zzzzz. nv know.
Hmmm.. anyway... xiao wei came by to visit me on my training day at am.co. Surprisingly... she tok to my supervisor as if she know her for years. im wonderin how come they know each other... mmmm i tot she wrked here b4 at a moment. but i was wrong... they actually know each other through an incident.....

Here goes... a few months back when my supervisor(currently) is working in amco, she is being bullied by a singaporean girl who is also workin at amco. my supervisor cannot take it and went to a corner and burst into tears. that singaporean girl really is kind of evil tho... always push the work to her and always MIA leave her alone in the shop and keep scold her juz becoz my supervisor is from china.

So xiao wei managed to witness the situation and console my supervisor... thats how they know each other... i always thot xiao wei is kind of a wild gal... didnt know she has such a good heart. lol. so she came by on my training day to visit me and crapped a little. then she went off.

hmmm... after my training... about 10.30pm... i went to Ehub to sing Kbox =D. enjoy...? hai hao la... after my singing session, plannin to go rounding wif frens.. but diao hp no batt.. my frens cant seem to reach me n i cant seem to reach dem as well.. so end up tonning wif my kbox singin frens lor at bedok.hmmm... went home after that at ard 9am... took a bus that overshot all the way back to downtown east again. -_-. so i reach home at around 11am.

Just when i am nicely settled at home and wantin to slp, my mom came in and started tokin to me abt tt incident tt happen between us 2 days ago... she started to say... " 你心里还到底疼不疼mummy?" ........... started to say how good i am when im a kid....

Cmon... i know i tok alot when im a kid.. but its different now... im not as hyper and bubbly anymore. that doesnt mean i dont hav u in my heart anymre.

*sleep*

Rounding day

2009-03-19T16:40:00.001+08:00

Just came back home today at a round 7+, 8am. amazing not really tired. Went rounding yesterday with friends. Des came and meet me up first below my block at around 12am. we went tampines street 72 blk 703 for a bike wash then slack abit at the kopitiam. after that we went changi village to meet up with the others. wow saw some "woman" there which are really hot. got nice figure, nice boob, maybe a nice penis as well. =DD.

Hmm.. after that we went to yishun DAM to meet up some of the remainings and slack there... nice weather at first... nice breeze... but sooner or later it started pouring down hard. the rain is so heavy that i cant see the road clearly coz its rather dark at that 鸟不生蛋的地方. Dangerous to drive. x.x. we went to slack at the kopitiam nearby the dam after that ... and desmond discovered that his hp is lost. sotong boy. lmao ! he drove back to the dam to find it but cant to find it tho. so we all went back to the dam to find with him. but still no luck x.x. then i told him maybe he dropped it at changi village the carpark there. so i drove him back to changi village to find... and we round it ! LOL. lucky guy he is. the rain is so heavy and his hp is fine. even luckier. x.x . if i have gt such luck.. wouldn't it be great? xD.

Hmmm anyway... managed to take some pics yesterday....

Me on NSR

Me on NSR with helmet on

^^v

me with my mazda protege 323 with NSR SP

My saturday

2009-03-15T00:31:00.000+08:00

Hmmm. Today... girl came by to my hse as usual ... and being late as usual. xD. always late when comin my hse recently. what are u up to huh? outside doing what huh? lol. x.x . so we went for a kbox session. =DD. we juz love singing... badly too ^^v. hahaha.

after our singing session... we went to hav sushi for dinner... at the same old restaurant with her ex BF. sorta di siao her abit. and im enjoying it. xD. i just love to di siao her and see her expression. but for her ex bf... i dun really like him alot tho. so i juz love to use him to di siao her... at times might somehow... unknowingly.... di siao myself with him as well. ewww pui*

Sooooooooooooo... after dinner... went to chalet... crap n stay for quite sometime there n bid goodbye to the birthday girl. nothing much for the chalet tho. hope next time i get to chance to open a chalet too wif her. we already hav tis idea tho... juz dunno when to get it executed. XDD. ani one can provide me with necessary information?

hmmmm... anyway i think i haven mentioned about the accident i saw today. Well... while on my way goin to E hub, i witness an accident tho. i saw this motorist.... sorta lk dreaming. he drove into the road shoulder by the side of the road and hit the barrier by the side n fall. O.O. sleeping? being able to witness this sorta hooked up to what happen to my 2 good close frens. jun kiat and beth. how i wish that they are stil alive. ppl all die someday and i know that. But why they did, this young? easy on the motorcycles ppl... to all my frens ridding them now.

Bo liao me

2009-03-15T00:20:00.000+08:00

XD XD. yawned. yesterday..................... went to catch a movie with gal gal. Race to witch mountain. THE ROCK from WWE. lmao. all wrestlers' goal is to b a movie star? coz i see john cena is goin to shoot movie too. x.x . well.... for the movie................. rating...... My rating for it..... errr ..... 2 star? hai hao lah. just a movie to catch if u wanna watch a movie but have got nothing else left on your choice list. xDD.

So after movie i drove her home... =DD. while on my route returnin back home, i find it kind of boring... SO...... along the expressway i set my eyes on this black car juz the lane beside me. i increase my speed to catch up with him and then adjust my speed so my car is juz side by side with his. LOL. he didn't notice me beside him at first but soon he did xD! im lookin to him all the while tho. hahaha. boliao nothin to do ma. he saw me and i tink he muz b tinkin.. " wad is wrong wif tis kuku... driving at the same speed as me n stayin beside me all these while." hahaha!!

he look at me n sorta laugh tho. so i laugh back. sort of sayin hi with each other. LOL. i guess he is bored too. well soon enough i reach my exit to the expressway... so i juz exit. sianned. LMAO.
alright that's for yesterday. Kind of a bo liao incident xD.

why suay things just kept coming? -_-

2009-03-07T14:53:00.000+08:00

zzz. suay things just kept coming. i don't know why. so suay that i cant even believe my eyes and ears. yesterday was drunk due to that heavy blow given by her. She came over to my hse at night to visit me as she's worry abt me i guess. im conscious but dont know why just seem to have little control of my body. was still suaying hard. xD. well... she came over to stay i guess her mom's not really happy about it. Alrite leave this aside for this moment. so she came... and sorta took care of me alittle. our situation has then regain back to its normal state which seems fine.

Morning came by then, which is today, Saturday. She said she wanted to go home to 报平安. so alrite i see her home then, dressed totally like a kid x). i wore a newbie cartoon T shirt, shorts and slippers. as i thought of just to see her home and return back home after that. DIDNT EXPECT............ to see her mom, who board the same bus as us. crapped. her mom's blood is boiling when she saw us i guess. lol. coz her daughter, is with a kiddo and that kiddo, is me. -_-.

Her mom's grumbling, mumbling infront of us. i was thinking like... "cool down mdm? whats wrong? do u hav to react like this?" so after alighting from the bus, i told girl to go home with her mom and i'll just take the bus after to the interchange. ya and so she went home, and called me. i can so.... hear her mom screaming and scolding from behind. i was like wtf??? she is scolding and scream because she saw me, wearing like a kiddo? and is totally different from the picture that she saw of us that we took together.

Cmon.... of coz i look different as im dressing so down. why should i dress well when im just seeing her home and returning back home after that? and do u have to based on that and give comments like im useless and cannot give ur daughter a proper life, still studying and will dump ur daughter eventually coz i wil carry on to pursue my studies?... No hse, no car, no job, etc. which doesn't even link to the topic? How can one just give comments like this just based on what she saw, without thinking tho. that's totally very immatured tho. No car, no apartment(condo) and i cant date with your daughter? car, apartment, stable job, that will come eventually. but do feelings come eventually? absolutely no my friend. Im only 20 this year. .. and cmon... we are not kiddos of age 14 still tryin to figure out what's life about.

How i hope her mom can be more understanding and have a better temper just like my mom. I really look forward to meeting her officially one day. showing her that im know what im thinking, know what im doing, and of course know why i wanted to be with your daughter. Seems like this world is still as realistic as i expected it to be. haizzzzzzzz x). what can i say?

HAIZ LAH !

2009-03-06T00:54:00.000+08:00

another tiff. cool . seriously im v tired. always tellin myself that its different this time. things just wont change. lol. and again im going to overcome it alone. crapped. -_-. can my heart still feel a thing. must u really hurt and freeze me up this bad? girl? i have been trying my best to make myself happy no matter how hard it is. must u be the one to kick me back down? coz u seriously have gt the power to affect me real bad. i dun expect u to be the one to pull me up or help me overcome my obstacles when im down. but why must u be the one to hurt me, unintentionally, again and again? huh? *sighed*

亏我那么疼你...
am i wrong for treating a person so good but again and again i got stabbed in return?

Is this your so called perfect gf?
i guess this time u really hurt me deep enough.
心痛死了。

yawned.

2009-03-05T20:29:00.000+08:00

yesterday met up with baobei girl. we went vivocity to exercise our legs by doing some window shopping. we even catch a show named k-20. the show is ... hmmm ok lah not bad. its sorta about 2 great thieves battling among each other. xD. one's good and one's bad. after the show we went to have our dinner... or rather im the one having my dinner. hahaha. i had FISH AND CHIPS+ SPAGETTI+MUSHROOM SOUP =DDDDD. yummmm.

After dinner.... intended to go watch the beautiful scenery juz outside vivocity tho.. guess u all know about that place. ya its the area wher lotsa couples or ppl who wanna emo gathered. lol. so ya... as i was saying... i have in mind to sorta watch the sea, ships, boats, etc with her. =DD. but things sorta turn the other way round, negatively.

Maybe its becoz im feelin kind of down already, due to things that happened to me recently which make my mood affected mre easily. But i have been tryin my best to smile and stay normal tho. so if possible try not to take my smile away as im oready tryin v hard. x). but im nt blaming nor am i goin to blame u girl =), and im sry to make u feel sad n cried.

There's only one thing that i've regretted yesterady and that's wasting that period of time givin each other cold shoulder. hope there wont be a next time as i just wanna spend every moment with you happily =).

my friday.

2009-02-27T23:35:00.000+08:00

i dont even know what to write. -_-. well..... am i suppose to describe my day? oh yeah. how about... great? not really great in the morning coz one kuku made me wait for like 45mins. hahaha. ya i went there to give a surprise for this kuku on my own accord tho. BUT........ she told me she'll leave her hse at ard 9am ytd. made me thinkin about reachin early below her block and give her a shock from behind when she head towards the bus stop that she wil usually go. so... i reached her place at ard... 8.45am. =DDD.

I WOKE UP AT 7.30 ALRITE? and i had a hard time findin my car as i hav forgotten which floor i've parked the car at the carpark. LOL. XD! tiring. Anw.... i saw her walking towards the bus stop at ard 9.40am. lmao? so yeah.... gave her a real surprise. or else she wil sae im v dull. Im dull anw. who ask u to like me. lmao ! so yeah. drive her to my hse and.... took a little nap xD. tired mah!

alrite i'll like do some spacing in case some of u kukus find it tiring for the eye. XDXD. im so considerate. =]. errr soooo... we went AMK hub after our little nappie. x). mmhmm. toured abit and then she's off to wrk. aww sad. bid goodbye.. and headed towards bugis to meet frens =]. n oh yeah ... have some jap set meal for dinner. BEST IN THE 2 WEEKS OF SUFFERING. due to my chicky pox. craps. T.T. ewww. hmmm had a couple of drink and yeah tispy =D. cool . headed home after that and yeah NITES !@#

MY FIRST LONG POST !

what? i create a blog?!

2009-02-26T13:10:00.000+08:00

after hearing so much about blogging. Today will be the day that i am being psycho.... to create one blog. =DDD . a noob blogger is in the house !@#